Eatosaurus Rex

Church & State

2013-03-23T06:58:58Z

Hey, look, it's an update. From me. On this website. Isn't that amazing? You want to hear something even more amazing? I'm posting about a restaurant I went to over half a year ago. If you think I remember anything about this meal other than the fact that I had it, you are sorely mistaken. Sure, I'll write words and say things, but don't think they're going to be accurate at all as to my experience here. For all I remember, a waiter punched me in the face and tried to steal my date. Look, obviously Church & State is a real restaurant and I went there, because I have pictures from there, but that's about all I can tell you.

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Is that bread? That's probably bread, right? I didn't label my pictures so for all I know those are cream puffs. Ooh, is it possible they serve cream puffs instead of bread? Best restaurant ever!

Escargots de Bourgogne en Croute (burgundy snails, garlic butter, puff pastry)
Hey, I actually do remember this. It was a puff pastry filled with escargot. What's it taste like? Well imagine a chicken pot pie, only once you get in there, instead of chicken you've got snails. Yum.

Rillettes de Saumon (salmon rillettes, lemon-chive cream, toasted baguette)

Agneau Roti (roasted lamb loin, braised lamb shoulder, zucchini, eggplant caviar, confit tomatoes, lamb jus)
Do I remember how this tastes? Of course not. But it's roasted lamb, and I love roasted lamb, so I probably enjoyed this. Then again, I also see vegetables on the plate. I don't enjoy those as much as lamb, so maybe I hated this.

Poitrine de Porc (braised pork belly, fingerling potatoes, hen of the woods mushrooms, fresh fig, pearl onions, pork jus)

Pot de Crème au Chocolat et Café (chocolate coffee custard, crème chantilly, sablés cannelle cookies)

Church & State
1850 Industrial St
Los Angeles, CA 90021
Neighborhood: Downtown
(213) 405-1434

Tim Ho Wan

2013-01-21T23:26:02Z

Tim Ho Wan is a tiny dim sum restaurant in Hong Kong and holds the distinction of being the world's cheapest Michelin starred restaurant. And it is cheap. Dishes range from $12-24 HKD (about $1.50-3.00 USD) and they're worth every damn penny. This is dim sum done about as right as dim sum can be done, and considering the price it's no wonder the place is super popular. Come at off peak hours and it's only a one to two hour wait. Come at peak hours and you probably won't eat. Perhaps a little extreme, but once you're seated and eating you get a sense of why. If you've had dim sum before then everything will be familiar to you. The dishes at Tim Ho Wan aren't particularly original, they're just executed to perfection. There's a reason they've got a Michelin star and it's not because they suck. It's because they've got a Michelin judge held hostage in their storage closet. That, or because of, ya know, the food. You decide.

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Baked Bun with BBQ Pork
This is one of Tim Ho Wan's specialties and it's amazing. If you're used to traditional pork buns like I am, this thing will slap you in the face and ask you why you've been wasting your time all these years. Instead of the typical bun found in most dim sum places, they put their BBQ pork in a sweetened pineapple bun. It might not sound like much, but of all the dim sum dishes I've ever had, this may very well be the best. Ever.

Steamed Shrimp Dumpling (Ha Jiao)

Steamed Pork Dumpling With Shrimp (Shao Mai)

I don't know what this dish is called but it's one of my favorites. It's got a pasty meat-type thing going on inside, and the outside has a crispy, chewy, glutinous texture. So, yeah, if you're ever had a Cantonese restaurant just order the "crispy, chewy, glutinous dumpling with the meat-type thing in the middle." They'll know exactly what you're talking about and definitely won't stare at you blankly like you're an idiot.

Tonic Medlar and Petal Cake
A refreshing dessert-like dish that tastes of, well, medlar. Wait, you don't know what medlar is? You mean you didn't study botany or waste your time reading about plants that nobody has ever heard of? Well medlar is...a plant of some sort. Flower? I don't actually know. I just copied the name down from the menu.

Tim Ho Wan
2-8 Kwong Wah St
Hong Kong, China

Coconut Jelly

2012-12-13T17:11:34Z

I was walking around Jonker Street in what I imagine to be the heat generated by a hundred angry suns, so I needed something refreshing. I spotted a coconut cart and thought to myself, "Hey! Coconuts are refreshing!" I walked over and found they were selling this coconut jelly snack. There's no sugar or anything added, just agar to turn the coconut water into a gelatin. This was the first time I've ever seen anything like this, and as a refreshing snack it's perfect. It's cold, it's delicious, and it's got pieces of coconut in it to remind you that it's a real food, and not just a bunch of chemicals being pitched by Bill Cosby. Some of you are too young to understand that reference and that makes me want to punch you in the face.

Jonker 88

2012-12-09T16:57:46Z

Cendol
I've had cendol twice now and I'm still not 100% sure I know what it is. There's definitely shaved ice involved. And red beans. But then there's also this green pasta-looking stuff. And this white dense whipped-cream stuff. And then this thick caramelish topping stuff. Yeah. Very descriptive and helpful, I know. I'm like an encyclopedia of knowledge. Look, all I know is that I had cendol at some other place, and the one at Jonker 88 was way better. How you can make one shaved ice taste way better than another shaved ice I don't know, but they did. It's refreshing and a little weird, but it's what dessert on Jonker Street is all about. If my only experience with cendol was the first place I tried I would've written it off, but I actually drank the leftover watery "soup" at Jonker 88. You know a place is legit if I'm willing to risk drinking foreign diarrhea-inducing water.

NOTE: I didn't actually get diarrhea. You can't get what you already have! Haha! Hah. Wait, why am I laughing?

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Jonker 88
Jonker Street
Melaka, Malaysia

Chung Wah Chicken Rice Ball

2012-12-04T16:28:47Z

Chung Wah Chicken Rice Ball is the other big player in the Melaka chicken rice ball game aside from Hoe Kee Chicken Rice. I wanted to hit up both places back to back to get a good idea of how they compare. The line at Chung Wah was way worse than Hoe Kee, and at first I thought it was just the time of day, but as I walked passed Hoe Kee I could tell the line at Chung Wah was still much longer. I'm assuming it's because they've made it into a guidebook. Or maybe they're casting spells, but whatever they're doing it's working. Like Hoe Kee, I didn't even order. I told them how many people I had, the host told me a price, and then pointed at a place for me to sit. Luckily they gave me exactly what I wanted, but again, how did they know? They do actually have more than one thing on their menu. I suppose if you look touristy enough they know what you're after: counterfeit purses. No wait, I mean chicken. Why did I say counterfeit purses? No, no, there's no need to look in my luggage, customs officer.

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Chicken Rice Ball
Everything at Chung Wah is good, but Hoe Kee is just a little bit better. The rice, the chicken, even the chili sauce. Maybe it's because I tasted Hoe Kee first, but in my mind it holds a small but distinct edge. Plus their chicken had far less bones, and in my book that's worth like 90% of your score. The other 10%? How many times the waitress says the word "cat." It's a strange system, I know, but it's effective. Effective at telling me how insane the waitress is.

Chung Wah Chicken Rice Ball
Jonker Street
Melaka, Malaysia

Wong Ah Wah

2012-12-01T15:03:54Z

Wong Ah Wah is probably the only place mentioned on TripAdvisor on the Jalan Alor hawker street and it shows. I showed up around 8pm and every single seat was taken, with more than one party carefully looking around for empty seats along with me. On more than one occasion I thought I'd end up having to fist fight a local Malaysian family in order to sit. Eventually I nabbed a seat, only to sit and wait for a solid half hour before I could order. And when I did order, the waitress repeatedly told me I would have to wait a long time. I actually think she was trying to get rid of me, so as to free my table for a larger party. Nice try, lady, but the only way I was leaving without eating is if she hit me over the head with a chair. Maybe they're having a difficult time coping with their popularity or maybe they're just always this disorganized, but I'd recommend showing up at least an hour before the time you actually want to have food in your mouth.

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Roast Chicken Wings
I only ordered two chicken wings (the minimum) because I just wanted a taste, but oh man, what a mistake. I should've gone with 20. Or 200. You're thinking to yourself, how good could roasted chicken wings be? Well apparently pretty goddamn good. I let out an audible moan while I was eating. Seriously. An actual moan came out of my mouth. I'm honestly not sure I've ever had better chicken wings.

Hokkien Mee
Definitely good, but nothing memorable. If you want some variety, sure, order this. If you're debating between this and the chicken, it's not even a debate. It's not even a one-sided debate. What's a more extreme term for a massacre? Because that's what this would be. Order the chicken. Don't even look at the menu.

Wong Ah Wah
Jalan Alor, Bukit Bintang
Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

Jumbo Seafood at Dempsey

2012-11-30T15:08:51Z

Besides kaya toast, another one of Singapore's signature dishes is their chilli crab. I don't know why it's popular or where it comes from, but I'll take any excuse to eat crab. My friend's a local and she recommended Jumbo Seafood so I'm assuming they know what they're doing. They've got a few locations around town and I ended up at the Dempsey one. In the back of the restaurant they've got tanks of live seafood lined up, though we didn't get to select our crab or anything like that. Which is too bad, because the only thing I like more than eating crab is looking it in the eye while selecting it for death and laughing maniacally at its pleas for mercy. Don't judge me. That's what the "doctors" at the institution did and look where that got them (Hint: buried in my backyard).

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Garlic Shrimp
Super garlicky which means super good. Plus they've been split, so eating it just requires a little simple finagling, as opposed to the usual 45 minutes of struggle it takes for me to peel a shrimp. Yeah, I said 45 minutes. My fingers are basically non-functioning sausages.

Scallops Wrapped in Yam Ring

Jumbo Chilli Crab
Honestly, I don't know what all the fuss is about. The crab itself wasn't the freshest I've ever had, and the sauce didn't leave me amazed. It's more of a tomato sauce than a Western chilli, and was actually a bit bland to me. The best way I can describe the whole dish is "meh." Yeah, get it if you're in Singapore because that's the thing you're supposed to do, but don't expect to have your mind blown.

Pepper Crab
I think I preferred the pepper crab to the chilli crab. It tasted pretty strong of pepper, giving it a good bite. Overall, the flavors were sharper and harsher and I mean that in a good way. Because I like my food the way I like...my...knives?

Jumbo Seafood at Dempsey
Tanglin Village
Singapore, Singapore

Hoe Kee Chicken Rice

2012-11-26T15:58:36Z

One of Melaka's signature dishes is chicken rice balls. Hoe Kee Chicken Rice claims to be the first in town to serve them and I suppose that makes them the best in town. If you come during peak hours, be prepared to wait. I'm only repeating what others have said because I showed up right when they opened to avoid any lines. There's a menu and a waitress, but I don't recall actually ordering anything. She looked me in the eye, started saying things in Chinese, and then I sat down. From what limited Mandarin I understand, I gathered that since this was my first time here I should get...something. I didn't quite pick up what she said. So I sat and waited for what I hoped would be chicken rice, but for all I knew could be a bowl of frogs. Literally the only words that came out of my mouth were "um...what?" and "iced barley tea." Oh, and I held up a finger to signify I'd be eating alone.

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Chicken and Rice Balls
The rice balls are actually balls of rice. And they're amazing. It's like Hainan Chicken if they were trying to make it appeal to children. The portion of chicken was a little small, but man was it good. Like so good it makes you forget that you didn't even order it. Like so good if the bill came and it said $100 you'd say, "Wow, that's way more expensive than I thought it would be, but damn if it wasn't delicious." And then you'd run out of the restaurant, because who would pay $100 for a plate of chicken and rice? The actual cost of this thing was closer to $3 if I remember correctly.

Ya Kun Kaya Toast

2012-11-19T18:56:42Z

Ya Kun Kaya Toast is a popular chain of cafes in Singapore specializing in kaya toast. If you've never had kaya toast, you've probably never visited Singapore before, because it's one of their more popular snacks. I wasn't sure what kaya was so I had to look it up and apparently it's a spread of eggs, sugar and coconut milk flavored with pandan. Kaya toast is basically toasted bread with that stuff in between, and sometimes served with a brick of butter in there as well. And when I say a brick of butter, I mean slabs so large it made me uncomfortable. Ya Kun Kaya Toast is arguably the most famous kaya toast seller and was founded back in 1944. I got their set meal which is kaya toast, two soft boiled eggs, and either a coffee or tea. It makes for a fast and simple breakfast, and while it's not for everybody, going to Singapore and not eating kaya toast would be like going to Ireland and not eating potatoes. And by potatoes I mean obscene amounts of beer.

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Iced Coffee

Soft Boiled Eggs
The soft-boiled eggs are slimy and gooey and everything you'd expect from something called 'soft-boiled eggs.' I'm not sure if there's a proper way to eat them, but my Singaporean friend recommended adding a few drops of soy sauce and then sort of using it as a dipping sauce for the kaya toast. So that's what I did. And it was good. If I was Sylvester Stallone I probably would've poured them into a glass and just drank them.

Kaya Toast
Ya Kun Kaya Toast's kaya toast is actually slightly different than most of the other places I've tried it. Their toast is thinner and crispier, and they appear to use less butter (if any at all). What you get is sort of a thin crispy sandwich filled with kaya. This is just personal preference, but I actually like my toast slightly thicker and not quite as toasted so that there's a little chewiness to it. These were almost like crackers, which is cool if you like crackers, but I like my toast to taste like toast. And my bagels? I like those to taste like pizza.

Ya Kun Kaya Toast
18 China St
China Town
Singapore, Singapore

Madam Kwan's

2012-11-14T08:13:02Z

Madam Kwan's is a popular Malaysian chain restaurant, with the flagship located in the Suria KLCC under the Petronas Twin Towers. When I first tried to eat here I got distracted and ended up at Miss Kwan's next door. I don't know if Miss Kwan's is an express version of Madam Kwan's or if they're just banking on idiots like me to confuse the two or what, but Miss Kwan's is definitely no Madam Kwan's. It's like when you accidentally buy store brand Oat Circles instead of Cheerios. Yeah, Madam Kwan's is a tad pricy by Malaysian standards, but it's good, it's clean, and it's loved by both foreigners and locals alike. Unlike me, who is loved by neither. I'm so alone.

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Teh Tarik
Malaysian sweetened milk tea. Pretty mild tasting and not too sweet. Usually a good thing, but in this case it just tasted bland and a bit watered down. Skip it and get something else. Or don't. What am I, your mom?

Nasi Lemak
Nasi Lemak is Malaysia's national dish, and is Madam Kwan's specialty. Curried chicken, coconut rice, and spicy sambal sauce. My only complaint is that the chicken was too boney and a bit lacking in the meat department. Otherwise, oh man. The combination of coconut and curry just tastes like Malaysia. I don't even know what that means, but trust me. Malaysia. Which isn't to be confused with a Malaysian, because I'm assuming that would be far less palatable and probably a lot more bloody.

Madam Kwan's
Fourth floor, Suria KLCC, City Centre
Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

Lack of Updates

2012-11-04T18:44:53Z

Sorry for the lack of updates recently. I'm actually traveling at the moment and haven't had much time to catch up on posts. I'll probably start doing short reviews of my food adventures abroad with cell phone quality pictures or something, but no promises. I've also still got a few restaurants I still need to write up from the States, so those will probably be interspersed throughout as well. If you couldn't tell, this isn't exactly the most professionally run site ever. It is, however, the sexiest. No, wait, that would be my OkCupid profile page.

Bottega Louie

2012-10-26T08:49:38Z

Have a hot date but have absolutely no interest in hearing what they have to say? Then Bottega Louie is the place for you. I'm not sure I've ever been to a louder restaurant. Renowned in Downtown Los Angeles for their macaroons, Bottega Louie also has the honor of having the worst acoustics of any place I've ever eaten at. It's essentially a giant room that echoes and amplifies every voice into a loud senseless mass of noise, so that the only way to be heard is to yell, which perpetuates the cycle. Super loud noises aside though, the ambiance is actually pretty nice here and it's a good place if you're looking for some small Italian plates. Nothing is amazing, but there's a charm to the place that makes everything seem slightly better than it is. It's like when a really attractive girl says dumb things and you nod your head knowingly, but if she weren't so pretty you'd just shake your head and ask if she ate paint chips as a child.

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Portobello Fries - Portobello mushrooms in the shape of fries. So deceptive. So delicious.

Duck Prosciutto Crostini

Meatballs Marinara - They're meatballs. Not particularly amazing, but they get the job done if you're looking for meatballs. Because that's what they are. And nothing else.

Diver Scallops

Lamb Porterhouse

Chocolate Souffle - It takes awhile to prepare, so maybe order it before you're actually done with your food, but it's also pretty damn delicious. As far as chocolate souffles go, this is right up there with the best of them. Or at least the above average of them.

Bottega Louie
700 S Grand Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90017
Neighborhood: Downtown
(213) 802-1470

Alta Coffee

2012-10-15T08:48:26Z

We had some time to kill before setting off for Catalina, so my friends and I decided to stop by Alta in Newport Beach. It's rare enough for me to be awake this early, let alone out and about getting breakfast. So thankfully we ended up at a charming place like Alta and not some decrepit hole that would remind me why I never wake up before noon. There's nothing particularly special about this place, but they've got a nice laid back local coffee joint vibe. There's a 'No Cell Phones' sign when you walk in, and while I don't know how well they enforce it, I appreciate the sentiment they're going for. Namely a war on technology, because fuck Arnold Schwarzenegger and the robot apocalypse he represents.

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Alta's Crepe Cakes (four crepe cakes topped with chunky apple pear sauce, vanilla yogurt and sprinkled with powered sugar) - At first I wasn't sure what the stuff on top of my pancakes were. It looked like glaze or frosting, but when I tasted it it was thin and sour and I was immediately afraid I had put something into my mouth I wasn't suppose to put into my mouth. Turns out it was just yogurt. Hopefully. Anyways, the crepe pancakes are a bit lighter and healthier tasting than traditional pancakes, probably because they're not served with gallons of maple syrup. So that also means they're not quite as tasty. But if you're a normal person and not a syrup-drinking glutton like me, you might get a kick out of them.

Bagel Salmon Sandwich (toasted bagel, cream cheese & caper spread, sliced smoked salmon, red onion, tomato & daikon sprouts) - Oh man, this was a really good smoked salmon bagel. The spread, the toppings, and pretty much everything else was just good. If I had a butler I'd have him make me one of these every morning. I'd probably get sick of them after awhile and start throwing them in his face, but that's the price you pay for being my butler. That, and having to see me walk around naked while yelling obscenities at the air.

Alta Coffee
506 31st St
Newport Beach, CA 92663
(949) 675-0233

Ramen Yamadaya

2012-10-05T09:26:24Z

If you weren't aware, there are a lot of ramen places in Southern California. The king is probably still Daikokuya in Los Angeles's Little Tokyo, while Santouka probably holds the title of most convenient. So where does that leave Ramen Yamadaya? I'm honestly not too sure. While everything they offered was pretty good, it wasn't nearly as good as Daikokuya and not nearly as quick and easy as Santouka. I suppose if you're looking to eat ramen, but feel weird taking your date to the food court of a Japanese market, Ramen Yamadaya might be the place for you. But who do you think you're fooling? Just the other day I saw you fish a half-eaten Hot Pocket out of the garbage and eat it. Don't pretend like you're too good for the Mitsuwa food court, because you're not. You're not too good for anything.

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Kara-age Chicken

Gyoza

Tonkotsu Ramen (basic pork broth ramen) - The first time I came here I ordered some sort of spicy ramen. It was pretty spicy and honestly not that flavorful, so I'm glad I came back and tried this. If you live closer to Daikokuya or Santouka just go to one of those places, because while this is good, I wouldn't say it's better and it doesn't really warrant the drive. Plus, look at that egg. That yolk isn't nearly runny enough. The egg in a true bowl of ramen should have a runny, drippy yolk that makes the average person question whether or not it's even safe to eat.

Chachu Bowl - Again, doesn't quite meet the level of Daikokuya. It was good, just not as good. It's like eating a generic store-brand frosting-stuffed chocolate cookie. It'll do if there aren't any Oreos around, but it's just not the same.

Ramen Yamadaya
1175 Baker St
Costa Mesa, CA 92626
(714) 556-0091

Ham 'n Scram

2012-10-03T09:44:58Z

Ham 'n Scram does one thing and they do it well: rhyme. And, uh, also make breakfast burritos. So I guess they do two things well. This place is so known for their breakfast burrito that I'm not even sure what else they have on the menu. I know it can't just be a breakfast burrito because it would be ridiculous for a restaurant to only have one item, but it might as well be the only thing since I can't imagine anybody coming here and ordering anything else. It'd be like going to In-N-Out and trying to order a salad. If a place is known for making a killer breakfast burrito and every reviewer ever talks about the breakfast burrito, odds are you should probably order the breakfast burrito. Unless you're stupid, in which case order the waffles. Do they even have waffles? Probably not, but who cares? You're stupid, so just try to order it anyway.

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Ham 'n Egg Burrito (ham, hash browns, egg, green pepper, onion, bacon, and cheese) - This thing is surprisingly light. Considering what's going into it and what your typical breakfast burrito tastes like, I was expecting a heavy, salty, beast of a thing. But no, this thing is actually surprisingly mellow. It's good, it's filling, and when you're done it doesn't leave you feeling like you just injected your arteries with cement.

Ham 'n Scram
5871-A Westminster Blvd
Westminster, CA 92683
(714) 899-9100